A Zelda Story
by Bulbonius
Summary: Ganon has been once again thwarted by Link. But he's got help now. Shadow Link returns and kidnaps someone, so link must rescue them. Hilarity ensues. Edit: CHAPTER 4 UPR and R please! I like to know people are actually reading this.
1. Default Chapter

A Zelda Story

chapter one

-

Well, we all know the story of how Link, the hero of time, whooped Ganon's ugly ass many, many times.

The guy just didn't learn. Anyways, after kicking Ganon's ass for the umpteenth time, Ganon, came up with

a new idea.

-In Ganon's palace in Gerudo valley-

"So, I've gotten all my old henchman back, which means they can do all my dirty work while I watch reruns of Giligan's island."said Ganon.

"Of course dear!" yelled Koume, the fire witch.

"They've all been returned from wherever they were."said Kotake, the ice witch.

"All right, send Horse head and Dimebag in." said the incarnate of evil.

Kotake flew out and returned with a horse headed knight and an old bum with a mustache and dirty overalls.

"Thanks for saving me from those crazy farmers your wretchedness." said Horsehead.

" Shut up, if you don't get the triforce from Link, I'll have your head mounted and your ass will become my

hat." yelled Fathead, i mean Ganon.

The bum came forward." What can I do to Link, He stole my fame from me!He will regret it!"

"Do you have any purple shrooms Mario?" asked Ganon.

"It's Dimebag!" yelled the bum angrily." Yes, I've got purple shrooms"

"I'll give you one-thousand rupees for 5."

"Wait, thats all you want?"

"Yes."

"Damn, well, I guess thats okay."

Dimebag pulled several purple mushrooms that were trailing green fumes. He handed them to Ganon, who

in turn handed over a jingling

pouch.

"Horshead!Get on your way!" yelled Ganon as he bit in to a mushroom.

-meanwhile, in Hyrule castle-

Link, Zelda, King Hyrule, Queen Hyrule, and Impa were all seated at a banquet table having breakfast.

"Link, I'm so glad you could spend the night." Said Zelda buttering one of those twisty biscuit things.

" No problem, beats staying in the bombchu inn, you can never get any sleep there."

"Did anyone notice the walls shaking last night?" asked the pudgy King.Link laughed, causing everyone to

look at him.  
"Probably ghosts." said Link taking a sip of juice.

"Probably the ghost of your hand." muttered Zelda.

" What's that dear?" said the queen.

" I said I think we're out of jam." said Zelda speaking up.

"Oh, I'll get some more." said Impa running off.

suddenly, some big bell thingy chimed.

"Ooh, someones at the door." said Chives, the royal servant. He opened the front door thingy (That was like

20 feet tall) and there stood horsehead. "Um, is Link here?" asked Horsehead, biting one of his finger nails,

or was it hooves, I don't know.

"Mr. (insert Link's last name here), there's someone here to see you."said Chives.

"Oh, I'm coming." said Link polishing off his third sausage, wait, that didn't come out right...

Link approache the gate, there stood Horsehead.

" They finally let you off the crazy farm?" said Link.

"I'm here to take the triforce." said Horsehead in his most courageous voice(whining like a baby basically)

" Aww man, I'm eating right now, it's not a good time." said Link.

"Okay, I'll come back later." said Horsehead walking away.

Ganon's floating head appeared in front of horsehaed. It was some new freaky way of villains

communicating.

"You know, your gonna look funny when your head is on the wall and your ass is my hat." boomed Ganon.

" Sorry, I'll go back." said Horsehead returning to Link.

"Too bad for you." said Link pulling out his slingshot. He shot Horsehead between the eyes.

"Arghh! Shit shit! Im blind!" yelled Horsehead running away, he crashed right in to a tree, and then he

mysteriously disappeared.

" Well, I sure sniped that problem between the eyes from 300 yards." said Link to no one in particular. He

sat back down and began packing down a pile of pancakes.(ooh, me like alliteration)

-meanwhile, in Ganon's shack, i mean palace-

"Aww man!" yelled Ganon to his witchy sidekicks.

" Oh, it's allright sweety." yelled Koume.

"We've got plenty more goomns to send out." said Kotake.

"Yeah, but none of them are powerful enought to get Link's triforce." said Ganon.

"I beg to differ." Said a mysterious voice.

The door to Ganon's room flew open, and there stood a shadowy figure with bulging red eyes and a

fearsome looking sword.

"Ahh, Shadow Link." said Ganon.

"Phh, you weren't powerful enought to even become a temple boss." said Koume.

"I was 10 times better than that freakin amoeba!" yelled Shadow Link angrily.

"What makes you think your any better now?" said kotake.

Shadow Link held up his sword.

"This is the Demone edge, a powerful sword from another galaxy."

said Shadow Link.

"What difference does that make!" yelled Koume.

Shadow Link held up a golden triangle hanging off a string.It was giving off a blue light.

"The triforce of wisdom!"yelled Ganon. "How did you get it from Zelda without her noticing?"

"That is simple, I snuck in to her room while she slept, and stole it off her neck.I replaced it with a fake. I

hope this proves my dedication." Shadow Link handed Ganon the triforce piece.

"I have a plan to get Link's triforce." said Shadow Link with a bright red smile. Shadow Link held up a bottle

with a struggling fairy in it. "This is Navi, Link's fairy guide, soon he will realise she's missing and come

after her. I will lead him on a long trail that will both test him, and weaken him. Should he make it the whole

way, I'll have a trap waiting for him."

"Well. you've thought of everything haven't you."said Ganon greatly impressed." But what do you want in

return?"

"That is simple Ganon, in return for my services, When you turn Hyrule in to the set of Giligan's Island, I

want to be Skipper."

Shadow Link held out his hand.

"Deal!" said Ganon shaking his hand.

-back at Hyrule castle-

Well, it was past noon and the breakfast table was cleared. Zelda sat on a bench in the courtyard watching

Link practicing archery. She was none the wiser theat the golden triangle hanging off her neck was not the

triforce piece she knew.

Zelda stared at Link, she thought he looked handsome.Wait, something was different, what was it?"

Link noticed Zelda'

s eyes peircing through him and turned around." Like my new haircut?" he asked removing his hat. His hair

was combed down.

" Oh yes, nice" hmm, so that'ss it, but something still seems different

"Hey Zelda, Have you seen Navi?" asked Link, trying to get Zelda out of whatever freakish trance she was

in.

" Oh no, I haven't" she said, remembering the arguement she had overherd the day before.

-Flashback yesterday afternoon-

Zelda sat in her tower brushing her hair for the thirteenth time that day, when she heard arguing coming

from outside the window.

She got over and walked on to the balcony.

"Link, Ganon can not be left alone, you have to seal him in the netherworld." Yelled a high pitched fairy, it

was Navi.

"Navi, I don't think we have to be afraid fo a Giligan's Island Reject on drugs." said Link

"But Link, you don't know what he could do, It's irresponisible to let him remain in Hyrule."

"navi, I'll deal with it when summer's over, what's Ganon gonna do, kidnap my friends?" Link laughed.

" Link, theres no telling what Ganon could do by fall, you have to do something!"

" Navi, I'm the hero of time, I'll decide when I deal with him!" Link walked away angrily.

Hmph, if he doesn't respect my opinion then I'll see how he does without me.

She began to fly away, when she was caught in a bug net. Shadow Link had caught her! He placed her in a

bottle and disappeared in to the shadows.

-Back to the Present-

"Zelda, are you okay: asked Link waving his hand in her face.

"Oh yeah, sorry." said Zelda returning to her senses.

Suddenly a pitch black head with glowing red eyes appeared.

"Um, is this thing on? Oh okay. herheem. I have Navi, if you want her, come to Lake Hylia."

The head disapeeared.

"Aww man, Navi got herself caught."said Link.

"So your leaving again? said Zelda sadly.

"Yeah, I gotta save the little bug." said Link coldly.Just when I get some time alone with Zelda, I have to go

out on another adventure

"Um Link, can I come?" asked Zelda.

Link stared at her for a second and then burst out in to laughter.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

" Zelda, you wouldn't make it one day in the wild."

"Well, I'm coming!" she yelled.

"No your not!"

-one hour later-

"Come on Zelda! We're going to be late!"

Zelda ran out with a huge dufflebag. Link strapped the bag to Epona's saddle.

" Where's your gear Link?" asked Zelda. Link pointed to a small satchel.

"Come on ,we better get going if we're going to make it to Lake Hulia by Morning.

and with that, Link and Zelda rode off in to the night.


	2. chapter 2

A Zelda Story  
Chapter 2  
the shortest chapter

Epona galloped steadily across Hyrule field. Owls could be heard in the distance. Zelda had fallen asleep on Link's back.  
The moon was getting higher and Link was starting to fall asleep. he slowed Epona to a stop, and climbed off Epona. He put Zelda down on the ground and pulled two sleeping bags out of his Lunchbox sized Satchel. The Shuffling caused Zelda to wake up.  
"Huh, what's going on? Aren't we supposed to be heading to Lake Hylia:  
"Zelda, I can barely stay awake. I don't want to steer Epona in to a tree."  
Zelda giggled at the thought.  
Link dropped on to his sleeping bag and fell asleep immediately. Zelda followed. They hadn't gone under the sleeping bags because it was hot out. Somehow, they went from sleeping side by side to sleeping in each other's arms.  
"Oh, that's so sweet. Goro."  
Zelda was the first one to wake up. She ignored the position she was in and sat up.  
"Holy Shit! Who..what is that?" she yelled.  
Link jolted awake. There was a goron standing watching them.  
"Link! What is that?" yelled Zelda.  
Link slowly remembered. "That's Link, Darunia's son."  
"Well, I was rolling towards Lake Hylia, and I found you two." said Link the Goron.  
"Wait why are you going to Lake Hylia?" asked Link.  
"To get fish."  
"But gorons don't eat fish."  
"It's not for us, it's for dad's new girlfriend."  
"She's not a goron?"  
"No, she sort of looks like a fish."  
"Is she a Zora?"  
"Yeah, that's it."  
Link, (That's human Link) couldn't help but wonder at the thought of a goron and a zora being...ermm... intimate.  
"So who's your new girlfriend?" said Goron Link.  
Zelda's cheeks turned beet red. " She's not my girlfriend." said Link quickly. " She's the princess of Hyrule."  
Zelda was greatly confused. She had no idea what was going on. Who was Darunia? What was a Zora? Why the hell did this Goron have the same name is Link? Did her and Link really look like a couple? What's love got to do with it, got to do with it!  
" Pleased to meet you Princess Zelda." said Goron Link holding out a tough leathery, brown hand. She took his hand and shook it.  
" So Link, were heading to Lake Hylia too." said Human Link.  
"Let's go together!" said Goron Link.

"Wait, I'm hungry!" yelled Zelda. She was always hungry. Link was suprised she was as thin as she was, but he didn't care how it worked, as long as she looked good.  
Goron Linked busied himself playing tic tact toe in the dirt while Link dug in his satchel. He pulled out a bale of hay and put it in front of Epona, who was asleep. He whistled, causing the Horse to wake up. He then pulled a few bottles of water and four muffins.  
(Wait, does he have different compartments in that thing, or does he keep all the things together. So his food is mixed with clothes and ha. Hmm)  
" How the Hell do you fit all that in there?" asked Zelda incredulously.  
"It's a magic bag. A great fairy in a far away land gave it to me."  
When they finished eating, Link packed up, and he and Zelda climbed on Epona.  
" Do you think you can keep up?" asked human Link.  
"Of course I can!" yelled Goron Link. He crawled in to a ball. Epona set off to a fast gallop and Goron Link began to roll.   
They had been going at such a fast pace that they had arrived at Lake Hylia in an hour.  
Goron Link went off to the conveniently placed fishing market. Link helped Zelda off  
of Epona and they set off across the many bridges to where a dark figure was standing. They ran up to Shadow Link who turned around, he had Navi in his hand.

"Hand over Navi!" shouted Link.  
Shadow Link made a big red smile. " Do you think i'd let your suffering end this soon, I'm only beginning." Link had already unsheathed his sword and dove at Shadow Link, who ducked. Link slashed him again and again, but Shadow link dodged each hit. After a while, Shadow Link grabbed Link's sword and held it.  
" I don't have time for this you small excuse of a man, I've got to crash a party in Goron city."  
Shadow Link threw a smoke bomb, and he could be seen a second later about a mile off walking away at a slow pace.  
Link was furious. No one insults my Manhood. Especially if it's a lye.  
"Let's get that Jackass!" shouted Link running, but no sooner than he uttered these words that a rumbling shook the ground. A giant, purple, mechanical fish leapt out of the water and swallowed Zelda in one motion, then dove back in to the water.  
"Oh come on!" yelled Link. He waited until The fish attempted to take him again, and thrusted his sword straight in to the fishes weak point, it's eye. The fish basically exploded and Zelda landed with a thud next to Link. She was unconscious, but okay. He took a small pillow out of his magic satchel, and propped her head on it. Netter to let her rest for the moment. Shadow Link had gotten away for now. Goron Link (Holy cow, that's a lotta Links!) had seen the fight and had made his way over to Link and Zelda.  
" Is she okay?" asked Goron Link.  
"Yeah, she's okay, but it looks like we'll be going with you to Goron City. Shadow Link's planning something."


	3. chapter 3

A Zelda Story  
chapter 3

Link shook Zelda to wake her up.  
" I feel like I got run over by a covered wagon." said Zelda sitting up.  
"That happened to a friend of mine." said Goron Link.  
"Come on Zelda." said Link climbing on to Epona. " Where are we going now?' asked Zelda.  
"To Goron city, Shadow Link is crashing a party there." said Link.  
"Not Dad's engagement party, I gotta go!" yelled Goron Link rolling off.  
Link turned to Zelda. " We'll take a shortcut through the Lost woods."  
" But that will take even longer if we scale that side of the mountain."  
"Not if we take the secret passage."  
Zelda climbed on to Epona." Well, lets go!" she yelled.  
"Link, hello? hellloooo?" she was waving her hand in front of his face, but he didn't notice.  
"Zelda," he said slowly." THE WOODS ARE ON FIRE!" Link kicked epona in the side, and she took off towards the burning woods.  
As epona got closer, about twenty deku scrubs came running, screaming and flailing their arms. " LINK!" one of them shouted." YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!" another one squealed.  
" Hey, what do you want me to do? It's not like I can make it rain!" yelled Link. "Oh, wait, I can." he said pulling out his ocarina. He began playing some creepy melody, and then it began to rain. The rain put out the fire, but now it was pouring, and Link and Zelda were soaked. The deku scrubs had already returned to the forest.

The worst part was, epona stunk like skunk cabbage when she was wet. so they had find a camp to dry off. Link steered Epona in to the woods. After 5 minutes, they came to an area sheltered by tall trees. There was a small stream near by that was bubbling. Link got off Epona, and helped Zelda off. Link took Zelda's bag off of Epona and sent Epona away.  
" Link! How stupid are you, You just sent our transportation away!" yelled Zelda.  
" Don't worry, I'll call her back in the morning." said Link. Link pulled out a blue tunic and brown tights out of his satchel. " We gotta get changed, I'll change behind that tree." said Link walking away.  
Zelda stood there for a moment, then reached in to her bag and pulled out a night gown and some unmentionables and began to change.  
Link was extremely tempted to peek, but his brain kept telling him not too.  
It's like my penis and my brain are playing chess with each other  
He slowly changed, all the while his organs were arguing with each other.  
Well, it couldn't hurt  
He buttoned his tunic and poked his head out, but Zelda was finished changing. Link walked over to Zelda who had some how managed to get dressed, find firewood and flint, and get a fire going in 5 minutes.  
The fire light provided the only light as the night wore on, and whatever sun light had managed to get through the canopy faded.  
"Link, do you have any food, I'm hungry." Zelda moaned.  
Link was flustered, Zelda was lying on her back in a flimsy night gown that was almost see through.  
"Link!" she yelled, noticing his wandering eyes.  
" I didn't do it!" yelled Link jumping up.

"Link, come on, I'm hungry." she said.  
"Hold on." Link produced a brown powdery substance, a bucket, and a pan. He handed the bucket to Zelda." Fill that with water from the stream."  
Zelda did as she was told and handed the bucket to Link. Link had the brown powder arranged in two piles in the pan.  
" What is that stuff?" she asked looking at the powder.  
Link poured water on each pile of powder, which turned in to two raw t-bone steaks.  
"Wow, it's like magic." said Zelda.  
"It's freeze dried meat." said Link." Those bastards at the plant were too cheap to cook the meat before they freeze dried it." Link slowly cooked the steaks. " Hey, how do you like your steak?" said Link.  
Zelda stared at Link strangely. " Cooked of course." she laughed.  
" No, I mean, do you like your steaks rare, or medium, or well done."  
Zelda stared at Link blankly.  
" Let me put it this way, do you like them bloody, or pink, or gray and tough?"  
"Oh, bloody."  
" You like rare then, just like me. Well they're ready then." Link took the steaks off of the pan and placed them on two paper plates.  
" Where's the silverware?" asked Zelda.  
" Do you have hands?" asked Link sarcastically. He picked up his steak with his hands and bit in to it.  
" Oh, gross." said Zelda.  
"I don't carry silverware, it's a pain to clean. I usually eat at inns." said Link  
" But I can't.."  
" Then starve!" yelled Link.  
Zelda slowly picked up the steak and began pulling it apart. Link had already finished and was gnawing the bones for whatever meat was left.  
" Your weird." said Zelda.  
After they had finished, link tossed the bones and plates in to the river( there's a 50 rupee fine) and Zelda decided to go to sleep. She grabbed her sleeping bag out of Link's infinite space satchel and fell asleep immediately. Link remained awake, tending the fire, he was deep in thought.  
Hmm, if we arrive in Goron city tomorrow, then I'll have time to take out Shadow Link quickly, then I'll get back Navi, so It'll be about noon by then, If I make a side track to visit Darunia, then It'll be about 3:00 when we leave, so we won't have enough time to make it back to Hyrule castle, but we would be able to make it to marin town, so we could spend the night at the inn, and maybe then..  
" Link!" yelled a familiar voice.

That's it! chapter 3 is done. I'll post chapter four in about a week.Seriously, if you read this story, you better review!


	4. Chapter 4

Link was startled, he turned his head to face the yeller. A woman wearing green clothes with blue eyes and green hair was standing there with her hands on her hips.

"Oh, hi Saria." he said softly, trying not to wake Zelda.

"Who's this skank!" yelled saria angrily. Zelda turned in her sleep.

"It's princess Zelda."

"Oh." Saria was quiet for a moment, then burst in to tears. " Oh Link! Why don't you love me?"

Zelda grumbled in her sleep, but didn't wake up. " Saria, I liked you when I was 12." said Link. Saria immediately stopped crying.

"But Link, I could make you much happier than her." said Saria batting her eyelashes.

"I'm sorry Saria." said Link, making sure Zelda was asleep.

" Hmph!" She threw a rock at Link's nose, knocking him out. " This won't be the last time you see me." Saria said walking away.

--- The next morning---

Zelda woke up refreshed and feeling great. She looked over at at Link who's nose was out of place and bloody. " Link!" she shouted. He woke up in a tremendous amount of pain. His nose had stopped bleeding, but was covered none the less.

" Oh, hi Zelda." he said Jumping up and hitting his head on a tree branch.

" What happened to you?" Zelda questioned.

'Uh, rabid.. howler monkey's attacked me." he said.

"Oh really, I didn't know there was howler monkey's around here."

" Sure, there's tons of weird stuff in these woods."

Zelda believed his pathetic lye for some reason. Zelda walked over to Link,and placed his nose between the palms of her hands.

" What are you do.."

CRACK!

" Holy Shit, I feel, i feel, great." Zelda had snapped Link's nose back in to place.

"let's go." said Link beginning to pack up the sleeping bags and pillows.

" Hold on, I gotta change." said Zelda removing her clothes.

Link froze, was she undressing in front of him.

" What's wrong, don't like what you see?" she asked mockingly.

"humina humina humina humina humina humina humina."

Zelda grabbed Link and touched her lips to his...

" Oh my god Link! Are you okay!" yelled a hysterical Zelda. Link opened his eyes. He was lying face up on the ground with his nose back in place, but in even more pain then before.

" I'm so sorry Link, I think when I snapped your nose back in to place, the pain knocked you out."

_Oh yeah, she snapped my nose back in to place, and I fainted_

Link reached in to his satchel, and pulled out a bottle of Red potion. he drank it, causing his pain to disappear.

" Let's get going.' said Link picking up Zelda's duffle bag. Zelda and Link continued walking in to the forest until they came upon a big rock. Link moved the rock, and there was a a blue portal.

" Follow me." said Link jumping in to the portal, where he swirled, and then vanished. Zelda jumped in to the portal, were she felt a breeze blow past her whole body, sort of like standing in the middle of Antarctica bare ass naked.

She reappeared inside Goron City, sort of like a huge cave with a bunch of smaller caves inside. There were streamers and balloons everywhere also. Link was standing a few feet away talking to Goron Link. Zelda approached them, and Goron Link turned to her. " Well, welcome to my city Princess Zelda." said Goron Link.

"Apparently, Shadow Link was spotted hiking up the side of the mountain, so the engagement party of Darunia and his Zora bride is postponed until tomorrow." said Link.

" Well, shouldn't you cut him off?" asked Zelda.

" I'm going right now." said Link heading off towards a passage. He drew the Master Sword as he walked. They ended up on a high mountain cliff. Three sides were blocked by mountain rock, and on one side was a cliff. There was a path carved in to the mountain wall, which led down to the base of the mountain. At the closest end of the path, Shadow Link was standing with the Demone(dee-moan-ee) edge drawn. "Link, wait, he's got the Demone edge!' shouted Zelda.

" Shadow Link, this is where it ends!" shouted Link. Link ran straight at shadow Link and swung his sword at Shadow Link's head, who blocked him, Link swung his sword downward at Shadow Link's legs, and was blocked again. Shadow Link and Link went on fighting, err, sort of, neither of them was able to penetrate the other's defenses, until finally, Link slashed Shadow Link across the chest, and blood sprayed out for a second or two, but then, the wound closed back up, and the blood disappeared. Link stared at Shadow Link in disbelief.

"You are a fairly good left handed swordsman." said Shadow Link amused.

" Oh, I do many wonders with my left hand!" boasted Link. Zelda and shadow Link stared at him oddly.

"What?"

" It doesn't matter anyways. You can't hurt me, I have the power of the Demone edge, your puny sword is useless!" Shadow Link shoved Link and Zelda off of the cliff and they managed to land on a lower ledge and not be too badly damaged. Goron Link charged at Shadow Link and punched him, sending Navi out of his pocket and the bottle shattered as it hit the ground. " Whatever, I'm out of here, Ganon has no idea what I'm planning, all I have to do is obtain the three medallions, the bombos, the Ether, and the Quake, and I will be unstoppable. Then I will take down Ganon, and take over Hyrule." Shadow Link took out a kazoo, and disappeared as he blew a tune.

Link and Zelda got up, and Zelda turned to Link. " Link, there is only one way to overcome Shadow Link, and that is to power up the..."

" Yeah yeah, come on let's go party with the Gorooooons!" Link had walked off the ledge and landed on another ledge.

" Are you all right Link?" asked Zelda.

" No, I think I broke my nose...again." Suddenly, out of nowhere, Saria ran up and kicked Link square in the nuts, then ran off. Link screamed loud enough to wake up a deaf person.

Navi flew over to Link, and brought him back to consciousness, but wasn't able to remove any of his pain.

" Are you okay now?" asked Zelda.

" Yeah, just peachy." whined Link. Zelda walked down to where Link had fallen, and piggy backed him back up to Goron city. She took him to an inn, where the innkeeper got them both rooms. Zelda sat down by Link's side in his room. Navi had gone to sleep on the dresser. Link was whining and grumbling to himself about the pain he was in.

"So Link, are you ready to listen to me?" asked Zelda.

"Ok, sure." said Link.

" Shadow Link has the Demone Edge, which is a blade from another galaxy, the sword itself makes the wielder have unbelievable strength and Divine protection. There is one way to stop him, which is to gather the 6 medallions from the sages again so we can power up the master sword, and then..well, we'll deal with it then." she said nervously.

"All right, well, can we wait until I'm better, or at least until tomorrow?" whimpered Link.

"All right, but we can't wait any longer, if Shadow Link gathers those medallions, he'll be invincible even to a powered up master sword."

There was a knock on the door. Zelda got up and opened it, and there standing in the doorway, was Darunia, and Princess Ruto. Princess Ruto had an engagement ring on.

That's the end of this chapter. The next one will be way funnier. I had to explain a lot of the story, and now that I've had a brainstorm with my friend Mike, the story is basically figured out, and we've added tons of humor. Peace out!


	5. Chapter 5

"LINK!" squealed Ruto. " There he is Darunia, my first fiancee." " What, you were married to my brother?" asked Darunia.  
"No she wasn't!" yelled Link.  
"Don't deny it!" yelled Ruto.  
" I was never engaged to you." said link hopelessly.  
The stirring caused navi to wake up.  
"Hey Link! It's your Fiancee!" said Navi.  
"What's going on!" yelled Zelda.  
"I don't know.." said Link.  
"Link, you took my engagement sapphire, I can't believe your denying it!" Ruto began crying.  
"Wait, your marrying me, remember?" said stopped crying immediately.  
"Oh yeah, I'm gonna go see the chef about the engagement cake." said Ruto walking away.Darunia walked over to where Link was laying and sat down on the floor.  
"Woman theses days."  
"Tell me about it." said Link. Zelda glared at him.  
"Oh here this should make you feel better." said Darunia handing Link a blue potion. Link took a sip of it and his bose straightened out and the swelling went down.  
"It's a little Bland." said Link producing a small brown bottle with xxxxx written on the label. He removed the cap and squeezed three drops in to the potion and then drank it.  
"Hey this aint no five X whiskey! I can still see! Link got up and tried to walk, but fell face first in to Zelda's lap.  
"AHHHHHHHH!" Zelda threw Link on to the floor.  
"Darunia, how long will he be drunk?" asked Navi.  
For about three hours, it's powerful whiskey, but it doesn't LAST AS LONG." SAID DARUNIA.  
"AWW SHOOT." SAID ZELDA;. LINK LOOKED UP AT ZELDA FROM ON THE FLOOR.  
"YOUR PRETTY, I SHOULD MAKE A CLAY MODEL OF YOUR FOOT AND NAME IT DANNY TAMBORELLI! (THUS THE FORMER CHILD STAR WAS BORN) ZELDA LOOKED AT LINK STRANGELY.  
"LINK? WHO AM I?" ASKED ZELDA, TRYING TO SEE HOW DRUNK HE WAS.  
"SNOOP DOGGY DOG?" ASKED LINK HOPEFULLY. Zelda sighed and turned to Darunia.  
"Well, it could be worse, he once called me dan rather and started humming the cbs world news theme." said zelda.  
"Okaaay." said darunia leaving the room.  
"CAN I HAVE A HUG?" ASKED LINK GETTING UP TO HIS FEET AND WALKING OVER TO ZELDA.  
"WAIT FOR ME QUEEN ELIZABETH, I MEAN J-LO, I MEAN KURT COBAIN, I MEAN, OH FORGET IT." LINK COLLAPSED ON THE BED.  
"HEY FAIRY LADY? WANNA HEAR A SONG?"  
NAVI SIGHED." SURE."  
"BYE BYE MISS HYRULIAN PIE, I RIDE EPONA AND I WANNA JOIN THE GERUDO TRIBE, AND GOOD OL.."  
"AHHHHHH!" NAVI FLEW OUT OF THE ROOM.  
ZELDA WALKED THROUGH THE GORON CAVE TRYING TO FIND SOME PLACE TO GET FOOD, ALL THE INN HAD WAS ROCKS. SHE APPROACHED A LITTLE TENT WITH A FISH SYMBOL PAINTED ON IT.  
"WELL, I'M NOT MUCH FOR SEAFOOD, BUT I CAN'T EAT ROCKS." SHE MUTTERED TO HERSELF.  
ZELDA WALKED IN TO THE TENT, WHERE TWO ZORAS, A FAT ONE AND A SKINNY ONE, WERE FRYING FISH. ZELDA APPROACHED THE FAT ONE AND TOUCHED HIM ON THE SHOULDER. THE FAT ZORA TURNED TO ZELDA " GET OUT OF HERE, THIS FISH SUPPLY IS FOR PRINCESS RUTO ONLY ' HE TURNED BACK TO HIS DEEP FRYER.ZELDA SUDDENLY HAD AN IDEA.  
"UM, SIRS, I'M FROM THE UH.. HEALTH DEPARTMENT.  
THE SKINNY ZORA DROPPED HIS KNIFE HE WAS USING TO GUT A FISH AND YELPED AS IT LANDED IN HIS FOOT.  
"UH.. WELCOME, MA'AM, WOULD YOU LIKE TO EXAMINE OUR FACILITIES THEN?" THE FAT ZORA ASKED.  
"NO NOT THIS TIME, I JUST NEED TO SAMPLE SOME OF YOUR FISH TO MAKE SURE IT'S SAFE." SAID ZELDA. THE SKINNY ZORA HAD PULLED THE KNIFE OUT OF HIS FOOT AND PLACED IT ON THE TABLE. " SURE, WE'VE JUST COOKED SOME DELICIOUS FISH." THE SKINNY ZORA GAVE ZELDA A HEAPING HELPING OF FISH AND FRIES, WHILE YTHE FAT ZORA KICKED A STACK OF PAPERS THAT HAD " OFFICIAL WARNING OF THE H.D." UNDER A STOVE.  
ZELDA SAT DOWN CROSS LEGGED and began scarfing down food like an aborigine at a royal feast.  
The zoras looked eagerly at her. " Well, do we pass?" asked the skinny zora.  
"You get an A!" said Zelda spitting out food as she talked. When she was done, she shook hands with each of the zoras, then walked out.  
"Well that was lucky, I thought she was gonna inspect our equipment, i don't get why humans can't stand rusty cooking utensils, I've never made a zora sick." said Fatty.  
"Man, how long have we been on the run from the health department?" ASKED SKINNY.  
"I don't know, eight years." said fatty.  
"Say you don't think she'll get sick, do you?"  
"Hope so, those damn health department b$!&s"  
Zelda returned to link's room feeling a little queazy.  
"Are you alright?" asked a passing goron.  
"Yeah fine." she said opening Link's door. What seh saw mortified hber. Link was jumping up and down on the bed in polkadotted boxers with a lamp shade on his head singing "Layla" by eric clapton.  
Navi was perched on a bookshelf in the corner fast asleep(she had ear muffs on) Zelda approached Link's bedside. "Link?"  
"yay! Stagedive!" yelled link. He jumped off the bed and landed on zelda sending them both crashing to the ground. Zelda's scream was muffled by Liunk's ass in her face. Link got off of zelda and looked at her angrily. " You were supposed to catch me!"  
Zelda's eyes were bulging out and she was gasping for breath.  
"You...idiot...are...are you trying...trying...trying to smother me" she said gasping.  
"No! I was trying to stagedive." said Link.  
Zelda didn't say anything, there wasn't a phrase powerful enough to express link's stupidity.  
---1 hour later---  
Link had sobered up and sprisingly didnt have a hangover. Navi had left to search for mushrooms for some reason while zelda was lying asleep in a recliner.  
"Zelda..zelda...zelda!"  
Zelda jolted awake.  
"What!" she yelled.  
"we have to get going don't we?"  
"Yeah, your right." said Zelda.  
"So where do were should we go first?"  
"According to legend, you have to collect the forest, light, shadow, water, spirit, and fire medallions."  
"Hey that's not the same order I collected them before."  
"Go figure"  
"You said there was something we had to do afterwords, what is it?"  
"I'll tell you when we get there."  
"AWW COME ON."  
"NO!"  
"FINE, so we have to deal with miss nutterbunter first."  
"Who's that?"  
"SARIA!"  
"Oh."  
Link and zelda packed up there stuff and slipped out of the now sleeping city.  
"Shouldnt we wait for Navi?" asked Zelda  
"She'll catch up." said Link.  
And they slowly began there trip down death mountain. 


End file.
